Dearest Pope,

I must confess -- Your most Fermented Xcellency -- that there have been times in the not-so-distant past that I have indeed lost my way. I have let the evil sobriety envelop me! I have even partaken of plain water only, wallowing in a non-smoking atmosphere filled with wretched pure air, and contorted myself before the evil alters of the YMCA. Yet I can assure you, at times, I am still one with the Fermentation, and plan this Sabbath a large and heavenly celebration, resplendent with all manner of Inebriating Intoxicants. I will bring forth the Blessed Binge, the Fermented Falling-down, and the Holy Headache. My question is this: Torn between good and evil, am I still a shepherd in the Flock of the Fermented, or have I lost my soul forever?

Yours in Budliness,

sister Angel DeVil

My dear Child,

It is EYE Your POPE who speaks to you from the holy SEE!!!! Always through and IN the FERMENTATION who hearkens to you!! I am compelled, motiVATED and insPIRED to say to you in the most holy and gracious way

- !!YES!! -

you are still within the loving intoxication of the BRETHREN and YOUR POPE!!! We who abide in the sanctity of the FERMENTATION are ONE with the suffering of the hangOVER!

There is no shaME in caring for the Body Sacred- The vessALL by which the ferMEntation pOURS within. HOWever we must beware of the mentality that the EVIL SObriety deMEANS us! Worshipping at the alters of the Ymca is not a SIN in the Eyes of the CHURCH, but a conscious acceptance of A need to prepare ONEself for the SACRED INEBRIATION!!

WHAT is SIN is believing the doctrine of the EVIL SOBRIETY - that mess that tells you that the SACRIFICE of the hangOVER is WRONG. The hangOVER is the PENANCE that we SUFFER for the stuPOUR - The STuPOUR is how we enter upon the SELF reDEEMing flavour of our lives - the RELEASE of what the FERMENTaTION brings US.

U Shouldn't take upon oneself the shepardness of the BRETHREN - that is the reSPONSEability of YOUR EMINENCE your POPE. EYE who suffer the accusations live with one in the STUPOUR.

CONFESS often SISTER and KNOW that you are forGIVEN....

YOURs IN the FERMENTATION,

YOUR POPE

My dear Pope,

I must confess that I seem to have a weakness -- when it comes to the sacred Lager and WhisKeys, I can drink to achieve the stupour with some self-control. But alas, whenever I taste of the sacred Grape (in its many forms -- Port, Wine, Brandy, etc.), I find I love the sweet taste so much, it is hard to control myself. How must I deal with this situation -- now that Sangria season is nearly over, and the Sherry season begins anew.

Your humble servant,

Sister Mary Catherine

MY dear Child,

It is EYE YOUR POPE in the FERMENTATION!!!

Speaking to YOU from the Holy SEEE

Hearken YE to MY words....

The FRuit of the Vine is the most SACRED of all the MOdalites which bring US o the stupOUR of the FERMENTATion - ITS path requires the most STEADfast RESOLVE!!!! IT is not easy. GO

Go

GO

Further into its FRUITS

The FRUITS OF that which IS!

Remember - the SACRIFices we must all Give to the BLESSED world of the STUPOUR

WE ARE ONE in the STUPOUR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The BRETHREN - THE BRETHREN - THE BRETHREN

IS

ONE!!!!

Through the BUD, the WATER and the FERMENTATION EYE your POPE Bless YOU!!

ONE in the FERMENTATION!!!!

YOUR POPE

Send YOUR confessions to the_pope@whatmagazine.org